You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
