The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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