She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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