I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
