I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
