yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
