yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
