Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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