i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize