Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
