i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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