I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
