I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
