we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My feet surprised me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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