headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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