dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize