$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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