Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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