i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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