He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My balls are so social today.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
