so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
