what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
