90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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