Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
