Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
