so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we're making bets on your personal life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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