fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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