He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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