The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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