she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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