Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
