you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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