I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
