the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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