just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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