YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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