If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
