you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
