Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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