im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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