I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
