About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
