so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
