i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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