My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
