oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
