In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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