You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize