Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
