hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
