let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
