And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
