I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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