I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
