Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
