i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
