I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
