Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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