i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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