There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
