we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
