TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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