I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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