her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
