so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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