Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize