Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There r osticjed everywhere
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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