I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize