Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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