i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
