Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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