when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
