first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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