i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
