it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
