I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have demons in me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
