You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
